Kristen, internet stranger here: thank you for this. I cannot wait to read more.
It’s good to feel like I’m not alone. Right around Spring 2020 when everything else hit was when I lost my faith as I knew it (I’m in my mid-20s). There were a number of things that contributed, but that’s a story for me to tell someday. Things were so dark for such a long time, and they still are sometimes. I thought I was alone. It took other people sitting with me to show me Christ was also sitting with me.
I can't even tell you what this means to me. I'm walking this right now and when I try to be honest with people at my church or friends close to me, they look at me like I have 3 heads and change the subject. It's uncomfortable I know, but to me it feels like a needful process as I continue to sort through the legalism I was raised in for so many years. We currently go to a great church, but there is still pressure to "perform" in some ways. Is this normal? I'm so confused I think. Hanging on for dear life and looking forward to more of this! Thank you!
I, too, came to a point in my travels where the signposts gave two choices: God is liar, or people speaking "for" and acting "on behalf of" God can be terrible because they've got him all wrong. When I look at babies, peonies, the Scottish highlands, and way flesh wounds heal, I can't see God being a liar. When I look at comment threads, church board meetings, evangelical news headlines, and dogma that marginalizes, I can see people doing terrible things in the name of theology. So, I too have had to take a sledgehammer to it all - and I'm *woefully* in the middle of the shards of glass and toppled buildings, but the more of that that comes down, the bigger and more loving a God I'm seeing on my horizon. It's freeing me to love so much more purely and widely, as well as having the "unlovable" place in me cracked open and tended to.
Thank you so much for writing - SHARING - this series. You're actually one of the ONLY Christians on the interwebs I can handle following, because you're one of the only ones embracing Both/And. (E. g. - God is good AND PTSD is terrible ......) It's pretty much you, Shannan Martin, and KJ Ramsey for me at this point.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, lately! I love that you are flexing your God given gift to write out the hardest things. Im sad for the things you endured, but rejoicing with you in this path toward joy!
Yep. I found a foundation to stand on buried in the ruins. It took lots of sifting through what felt like wreckage. But man, am I so thankful to be free from some of the terrible lies that I didn’t even know I believed.
by golly. thanks be to God for His mercy and kindness and the way He uses each of us to build up, encourage, challenge and edify one another. You are a gift, Kristen. Thankful for your obedience to share vulnerably and wholly the work that He has done and is doing in You!
Thank you, Kristen, for writing so honestly about what it is to live with questions and doubts instead of bracing ourselves against them. I am here, too. Trying to learn, examine, untangle, uproot, and hope for new life to come. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the series.
"I watched the foundations of my faith crumble and then I took a sledge hammer to what was left. And it was good"
When I realized the foundations of my faith were fear-based because of a deep seeded hurt that I carried for over 15 years, everything crumbled and it left me confused and scared. But also wide open and my faith grew organically based on the life I witnessed Jesus live. And the love He freely gave. It changed everything.
After thinking I was wrong (doubtful, backsliding, etc) for wanting to pull every single theology apart and decide for myself whether or not God is who the church said he was, this was so encouraging. It’s good. Resonate so so much.
Also, I love how you wrote basically about “deconstruction” without any of the buzz words so maybe more people will read it and let it sink in.
I know I sound like a broken record in so many of my comments to you. But thank you for sharing yourself with all of us. I’m sure it isn’t always easy for you to do, but your gift if sharing yourself in your stories is teaching me (and so many others) how to grow and develop a strong faith-filled relationship with God. Your words hit my heart so strong. I’ve always had faith, believed in God, but through you, and other I’ve read I am learning so much, and developing so much more faith in my ongoing evolving relationship with Him. It’s powerful stuff. I will never be able to say thank you to you enough times.❤️
Kristen, internet stranger here: thank you for this. I cannot wait to read more.
It’s good to feel like I’m not alone. Right around Spring 2020 when everything else hit was when I lost my faith as I knew it (I’m in my mid-20s). There were a number of things that contributed, but that’s a story for me to tell someday. Things were so dark for such a long time, and they still are sometimes. I thought I was alone. It took other people sitting with me to show me Christ was also sitting with me.
I can't even tell you what this means to me. I'm walking this right now and when I try to be honest with people at my church or friends close to me, they look at me like I have 3 heads and change the subject. It's uncomfortable I know, but to me it feels like a needful process as I continue to sort through the legalism I was raised in for so many years. We currently go to a great church, but there is still pressure to "perform" in some ways. Is this normal? I'm so confused I think. Hanging on for dear life and looking forward to more of this! Thank you!
This.
I, too, came to a point in my travels where the signposts gave two choices: God is liar, or people speaking "for" and acting "on behalf of" God can be terrible because they've got him all wrong. When I look at babies, peonies, the Scottish highlands, and way flesh wounds heal, I can't see God being a liar. When I look at comment threads, church board meetings, evangelical news headlines, and dogma that marginalizes, I can see people doing terrible things in the name of theology. So, I too have had to take a sledgehammer to it all - and I'm *woefully* in the middle of the shards of glass and toppled buildings, but the more of that that comes down, the bigger and more loving a God I'm seeing on my horizon. It's freeing me to love so much more purely and widely, as well as having the "unlovable" place in me cracked open and tended to.
Thank you so much for writing - SHARING - this series. You're actually one of the ONLY Christians on the interwebs I can handle following, because you're one of the only ones embracing Both/And. (E. g. - God is good AND PTSD is terrible ......) It's pretty much you, Shannan Martin, and KJ Ramsey for me at this point.
Anyway, thank you. This is a treasure. 💗
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, lately! I love that you are flexing your God given gift to write out the hardest things. Im sad for the things you endured, but rejoicing with you in this path toward joy!
Yep. I found a foundation to stand on buried in the ruins. It took lots of sifting through what felt like wreckage. But man, am I so thankful to be free from some of the terrible lies that I didn’t even know I believed.
by golly. thanks be to God for His mercy and kindness and the way He uses each of us to build up, encourage, challenge and edify one another. You are a gift, Kristen. Thankful for your obedience to share vulnerably and wholly the work that He has done and is doing in You!
I'm kind of speechless after reading that. So all I'm going to say is thank you and that I am so thankful God brought you and your words into my life.
Love every word of this, friend. It's my story too.
thank you for sharing your story 🤍
Thank you, Kristen, for writing so honestly about what it is to live with questions and doubts instead of bracing ourselves against them. I am here, too. Trying to learn, examine, untangle, uproot, and hope for new life to come. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the series.
Love this! Such a beautiful story woven into the MOST beautiful story. 🥰
Love this so much. I relate hard.
I'm here for this. Thank you for being willing to share. Same but not same. And so grateful for the keeping power of God when all else crumbles.
👏👏👏👏 I love this so much!
"I watched the foundations of my faith crumble and then I took a sledge hammer to what was left. And it was good"
When I realized the foundations of my faith were fear-based because of a deep seeded hurt that I carried for over 15 years, everything crumbled and it left me confused and scared. But also wide open and my faith grew organically based on the life I witnessed Jesus live. And the love He freely gave. It changed everything.
After thinking I was wrong (doubtful, backsliding, etc) for wanting to pull every single theology apart and decide for myself whether or not God is who the church said he was, this was so encouraging. It’s good. Resonate so so much.
Also, I love how you wrote basically about “deconstruction” without any of the buzz words so maybe more people will read it and let it sink in.
I know I sound like a broken record in so many of my comments to you. But thank you for sharing yourself with all of us. I’m sure it isn’t always easy for you to do, but your gift if sharing yourself in your stories is teaching me (and so many others) how to grow and develop a strong faith-filled relationship with God. Your words hit my heart so strong. I’ve always had faith, believed in God, but through you, and other I’ve read I am learning so much, and developing so much more faith in my ongoing evolving relationship with Him. It’s powerful stuff. I will never be able to say thank you to you enough times.❤️