the practice of expectation

wintering | volume one

The first year I knew that my “winter blues” was a chemical imbalance called Seasonal Affective Disorder, I felt really defeated. It’s the only time a mental health diagnosis hasn’t made me feel empowered or relieved. All the other times in my life a doctor has said, “here’s what’s going on,” I felt like — Ok. Now I know. I can do this. But when my doctor said, “this is a chemical imbalance related to the season,” I felt hopeless. I told Zach, “So I guess I just have to be depressed six months out of the year? That’s my lot in life?” It wasn’t. I just didn’t know that.

The next year, a friend texted me on the darkest and shortest day of the year and said, “Today’s the darkest it’s gonna get. Every day from today on is going to get brighter and longer and then it’ll be Spring.” That was the first time I felt hope in the winter. It changed the way I engaged with the rest of winter and ultimately brought us here : to this fourth season of wintering.

If this is your first wintering season with us, the first thing we do is fully embrace and embody the term “wintering.” We use the term wintering because it sounds very fancy and when you say it out loud, you have to say it in italics.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t text you back, darling. I was wintering.” 
“Let me check my schedule, it’s wintering season, after all.”

Winter, as a word, just sounds so rough. It’s the “er” of it all, I think. Winter sounds like something that happens to you. Wintering sounds like you’re choosing it. So — choose it. Own it. Be as pretentious as you want to be about it. It’s a little mindset tweak that makes a huge difference. “Sorry the house is a mess, dear. We’re wintering, you know.” 

Now that we’re on the same page about it, let’s get to know each other! One of the best parts of this series is the community. We get a little chatty this time of year, so drop a comment and tell us where you’re reading from and what winters are like where you are. What’s your favorite thing to do that makes winter a little more wonderful? 

I also want to invite you to join the wintering community discord channel for us to keep up with each other through the season. Natalie, a member of the wintering community, emailed me last month with this idea and I thought it was brilliant! We can share what we’re reading, watching, doing, wearing, what our lives look like from our living room windows, whatever! I’ve created a channel for us. There’s a little bit of a learning curve, but it’s pretty easy once you get settled.

See you in there! 

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in this volume of wintering : 

+ something to do
+ something to read
+ something to drink
+ something to watch 
+ something to think about

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artsydee

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Something to do : 

There aren’t a lot of prerequisites to wintering, but finding a new-to-you mug at the start of the season is a definite must. This mug is one you’ll use with the intention of wintering well. Every morning, you’ll wake up and look forward to filling your mug with something warm, holding it in your hands, and taking a few minutes every day to just … be. The more you create these serotonin filled feelings with your mug in your hands, the more your brain will start associating your mug with those feelings. You’re training your brain to release serotonin at the start of every day and we’re gonna need every drop of serotonin we can get. It’s a really nice way to start the day.

It’s the official wintering opinion that the best place to acquire mug-shaped serotonin is the thrift store, so plan a trip! Go by yourself, with a friend, or make it a family night out. If you already have a mug you love, there’s no harm in just looking, right? Grab something warm to drink on your way out. Take your time. Enjoy your trip!

If you’re unable to leave your home easily, World Market and Anthropolgie are my favorite places to get mugs online. The prices are higher, but they’re both having sales right now!

Just remember that our wintering activities are more about the process than the results. The mug itself isn’t the magic, the rhythms are. Relax, lean in, have fun. And share photos of your mugs and your trip to the thrift store on instagram or in the wintering community!

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Something to read : 

I am so excited to introduce you to a new-to-me genre : low stakes cozy fantasy. I discovered it through my friend, Meg, who goes by @megstearoom on tiktok and instagram. She has the best recommendations and her page is my favorite cozy book spot on the internet.

If you aren’t familiar with the genre, it’s a fantasy sub-genre. You get all the elements of a fantasy novel : magic, other worlds, non-human creatures, adventure — but without the intense battles and life or death stakes. The narratives are gentle, the characters interesting and comforting, and the setting is usually in a small town, a magical cafe, a cozy cottage, places like that. There’s rich detail and world building and all the things we love about fantasy, just, cozier. Easier to read, but not without plot, conflict, or struggle. It’s just the stakes are usually relational and personal rather than the fate of the world is in your hands kind of thing.

We’re starting with Keeper of Enchanted Rooms because it’s set in Massachusetts, my home! It’s a really sweet story that has magic intertwined with gentle romance (nothing spicy), humor, and emotional depth. It’s an easy, charming read. Perfect for cold nights snuggled up under a blanket.

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something to drink :
Now that you’ve got a mug and a good book, let’s make something delicious.

Earl Grey Hot Chocolate

▢ 2 cups milk or almond milk
▢ 1 cup heavy cream
▢ 4 earl grey tea bags
▢ ½ teaspoon salt
▢ 8 oz dark chocolate, finely chopped

1. Heat milk + cream in a pot on medium heat until small bubbles start forming on surface.

2. Turn off heat + add earl grey tea bags. Steep for 10 minutes.

3. Remove tea bags + put heat on low. Stir in salt and chocolate until completely melted.

4. (optional) top with marshmallows or whipped cream

Let me know what you think!

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something to watch :

for the grownups :
+ Love Actually
+ The Grand Budapest Hotel

for the kids :
+ Klaus
+ Home Alone

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something to think about :

There’s a science to expectation. A neuroscience, actually.

Having things to look forward to is a pretty often overlooked element of our mental health. The expectation of a good thing is as fun (if not more) than the thing itself. Sometimes, especially in the winter, we have to build that expectation on purpose. the world slows down in the winter. After Christmas, our calendars suddenly open up and we’re left with all the cold and dark without all the twinkly lights.

So- we have to build things into our our days to practice expectation.

Little things like reading a chapter in your book every day while you drink your coffee in your favorite chair, with your favorite blanket. Or carving out a few minutes at the end of the day to play a video game or watch a show.

I’m not a girl who abides by schedule and routines. I don’t believe that everyone should have those built into their lives and that every life is better on a schedule because that’s just not true for me and never has been. My mental health requires margin. I build most of my days with loosely held plans because I have to. But in the winter, expectation and reward is a non-negotiable. I plan my days so that the things I’m looking forward to (a cup of tea, a game, a book) aren’t neglected because of other things I didn’t get done that day. Joy is the priority.

Anticipating things that you enjoy triggers the release of dopamine, it activates your brain’s reward system, reduces stress, and helps you regulate your emotions. It’s a win all around.

But what makes this challenging is having the mental energy to even start building it into your life. It’s hard to believe that it can actually bring you joy. It might feel silly, or childish, or too simple to be helpful. And that’s ok. I’ll just challenge you to pick one thing that you can look forward to every day or every week.

This week, your expectation practice can be taking a trip to the thrift store and finding a mug. Don’t go on a whim. Pick a day, make a concept of a plan, and then let us know it goes!

Not having anything to look forward to after the holiday season is over is part of the reason so many people drop into a deep depression in January. When you get back into your work and school and life routine, with no joy or expectation written into it, your emotional health can take a quick turn into dark places. We’re gonna try to get ahead of that now by creating practices in our lives that give our brains some hopeful expectation.

I’d love to hear what joy building expectations you’ve built into your life already, if you have, and if not, what are some of your ideas? If you’re reading this in your email, click on over to the post in a browser so you can comment.

It’s my absolute joy to head into this season with you, friends!

Happy Wintering,
Kristen

P.S. If you’re looking for an advent read this year, I made my advent book available as a PDF download. It’s called Silent Nights - Advent Reflections for Hearts in Crisis. Hope it brings you lots of comfort this season.

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coming up »
+ friday - extra cup of wintering (paid subscribers) - curating happy
+ monday - volume two : preparing for the season

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