Not me crying first thing in the morning. Having kids MADE me examine everything I believe and it led me to seeing God IS LOVE, not a lofty being chasing to punish me. The song your kids wrote got me good. You're doing a good work, Kristen.
I’m sitting here wiping literal tears from my eyes. Your story had me on the brink, but the song your son and daughter wrote sent me over the edge. I, too, heard the messages that a single little sin would keep me from Heaven and me wondering how in the world anyone would end up there if that were the case. How does one manage to die right after repenting so one doesn’t risk a little sin for which they don’t know is a sin or from which they do not have time to repent, but that will send them to hell? Honestly, it has caused me to live many decades wavering between fear and dissociation because I can never measure up or be good enough.
Miss Kristen, thank you for not only teaching your children a different way, but also teaching so many of us online a different way. Thank you for continuing to share even when things are difficult for you and many of those who taught us and their spiritual offspring attack you for leading people away from God. On the contrary, you are a light for so many. I am in my 40s and grew up in church. It has only been recently that I have begun to believe that maybe God does really love me and isn’t just waiting for me to mess up again. You are one who has helped lead me to this place. You are a blessing and I thank God for leading me to your account. 💙💙💙
I’m a 57-year-old pastor’s wife, and I have thought of God as scary for as long as I can remember. Scriptures about God seeing me have always brought up fear and shame and a desire to hide. I remember having that conversation (when I was a kid) about committing sin (even if you didn’t realize it) and dying before having the chance to ask for forgiveness.
As I write these words, it dawns on me that I have also thought of my parents, especially my mom, as scary and unpredictable—for as long as I can remember. From the time I was a young child, I understood that it was good to get up and get out of the house as soon as possible in the mornings—that it was best not to be seen.
It has only been over the last four years that I have somehow learned differently—that God delights in me and joys over me with singing. That God meets me where I am and that He is glad to be with me. That He is for me and not out to get me. For the first time in my life, Scripture about God seeing me brings tears to my eyes and joy to my soul.
Thank you! Thank you for writing this. And for teaching your children differently.
Thank you for writing this. I was that little girl in many ways. Last week, I asked my five-year-old what was something Jesus had told us and she immediately said "Do not be afraid. I am here." And I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders, as if I've succeeded in not passing on the legalistic fear of God but instead she's receiving a trust in God's goodness. Here's to continuing to teach our children of how God loves them.
My dad once scolded me for singing a worship song after I'd been arguing with my little sister (as little kids do!). I must have been 9 or 10 at the most... it haunted me for years. I have since realised that his theology, amongst many other traits of his, does not have to be mine and that in fact, worshiping through song is one of the best ways to help change my heart if it's not in the best of places with those around me.
As I gorwnolder I'm finding myself more and more grateful for the way my dad raised me. I fell into legalism all on my own. My dad constantly pointed me back to how much Jesus loves me and how gracious God is. I was always reassured that NOTHING could pluck me from God's hands once I came to know Him. That nothing could separate me from Him. I remember my world being rocked when I had admitted to a friend's mom that my boyfriend was suicidal. Rather than comforting me or asking if he was receiving help her response was "You know he'd go to hell right?" I just sighed and said "yes." Even though I was lying. I said yes that just because I didn't have the energy to debate theology with her at 7 in the morning on the way to school. My boyfriend (now husband) dearly loved the Lord, but he was depressed. I knew his depression wasnt a sin and I knew that nothing could separate him from God. That woman's youngest daughter killed herself about 4 years ago and I still ache for her and wonder if she thinks her daughter is in hell, or if she was able to reconcile with that bad theology.
Your story likely helps explain one reason for the emergence of the “spiritual but not religious crowd” here in America, ever-increasing since the 1960s and 70s.
The good thing about this is that it will teach your kids early on that they don't have to swallow whole everything they hear... get some good critical thinking going on! After all, Jesus asked more questions than he gave answers. That is what develops authentic people of faith... and authentic searching for God.
This is so beautiful, and I loved hearing you read it. The compassion you’re able to show Ms. Debbie is so beautiful. And the “it stops with me”. Wow. Reparenting yourself through presenting a grace-filled and loving God to your children, as you get to know him too. So inspiring.
"For decades, I didn’t have the spiritual margin in my life to learn about the beautiful things about God’s character because I’d embodied the belief that he was out to get me…". A sobering reminder of the power our words and actions have over little hearts and minds. My heart aches over the years lost because of that, but so glad you found your way past dear into God's love and beauty....and give your kids a different experience.
Not me crying first thing in the morning. Having kids MADE me examine everything I believe and it led me to seeing God IS LOVE, not a lofty being chasing to punish me. The song your kids wrote got me good. You're doing a good work, Kristen.
I always say that becoming a mother was my first big crisis of faith. It made me rethink everything. He’s love. Full stop. 🥹
“When fear is your first spiritual language, it drowns out everything else.” Yes. Yes it does.
You've left me speechless. This is beautiful. ❤️
So good, Kristen! 🩵
Dear Miss Kristen,
I’m sitting here wiping literal tears from my eyes. Your story had me on the brink, but the song your son and daughter wrote sent me over the edge. I, too, heard the messages that a single little sin would keep me from Heaven and me wondering how in the world anyone would end up there if that were the case. How does one manage to die right after repenting so one doesn’t risk a little sin for which they don’t know is a sin or from which they do not have time to repent, but that will send them to hell? Honestly, it has caused me to live many decades wavering between fear and dissociation because I can never measure up or be good enough.
Miss Kristen, thank you for not only teaching your children a different way, but also teaching so many of us online a different way. Thank you for continuing to share even when things are difficult for you and many of those who taught us and their spiritual offspring attack you for leading people away from God. On the contrary, you are a light for so many. I am in my 40s and grew up in church. It has only been recently that I have begun to believe that maybe God does really love me and isn’t just waiting for me to mess up again. You are one who has helped lead me to this place. You are a blessing and I thank God for leading me to your account. 💙💙💙
I’m a 57-year-old pastor’s wife, and I have thought of God as scary for as long as I can remember. Scriptures about God seeing me have always brought up fear and shame and a desire to hide. I remember having that conversation (when I was a kid) about committing sin (even if you didn’t realize it) and dying before having the chance to ask for forgiveness.
As I write these words, it dawns on me that I have also thought of my parents, especially my mom, as scary and unpredictable—for as long as I can remember. From the time I was a young child, I understood that it was good to get up and get out of the house as soon as possible in the mornings—that it was best not to be seen.
It has only been over the last four years that I have somehow learned differently—that God delights in me and joys over me with singing. That God meets me where I am and that He is glad to be with me. That He is for me and not out to get me. For the first time in my life, Scripture about God seeing me brings tears to my eyes and joy to my soul.
Thank you! Thank you for writing this. And for teaching your children differently.
Thank you for writing this. I was that little girl in many ways. Last week, I asked my five-year-old what was something Jesus had told us and she immediately said "Do not be afraid. I am here." And I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders, as if I've succeeded in not passing on the legalistic fear of God but instead she's receiving a trust in God's goodness. Here's to continuing to teach our children of how God loves them.
My dad once scolded me for singing a worship song after I'd been arguing with my little sister (as little kids do!). I must have been 9 or 10 at the most... it haunted me for years. I have since realised that his theology, amongst many other traits of his, does not have to be mine and that in fact, worshiping through song is one of the best ways to help change my heart if it's not in the best of places with those around me.
I was also that girl ticking off all her daily sins and asking God for forgiveness every night when I should have been sleeping.
Thank you for writing this.
As I gorwnolder I'm finding myself more and more grateful for the way my dad raised me. I fell into legalism all on my own. My dad constantly pointed me back to how much Jesus loves me and how gracious God is. I was always reassured that NOTHING could pluck me from God's hands once I came to know Him. That nothing could separate me from Him. I remember my world being rocked when I had admitted to a friend's mom that my boyfriend was suicidal. Rather than comforting me or asking if he was receiving help her response was "You know he'd go to hell right?" I just sighed and said "yes." Even though I was lying. I said yes that just because I didn't have the energy to debate theology with her at 7 in the morning on the way to school. My boyfriend (now husband) dearly loved the Lord, but he was depressed. I knew his depression wasnt a sin and I knew that nothing could separate him from God. That woman's youngest daughter killed herself about 4 years ago and I still ache for her and wonder if she thinks her daughter is in hell, or if she was able to reconcile with that bad theology.
Powerfully conveyed through the written word.
Your story likely helps explain one reason for the emergence of the “spiritual but not religious crowd” here in America, ever-increasing since the 1960s and 70s.
The good thing about this is that it will teach your kids early on that they don't have to swallow whole everything they hear... get some good critical thinking going on! After all, Jesus asked more questions than he gave answers. That is what develops authentic people of faith... and authentic searching for God.
This is so beautiful, and I loved hearing you read it. The compassion you’re able to show Ms. Debbie is so beautiful. And the “it stops with me”. Wow. Reparenting yourself through presenting a grace-filled and loving God to your children, as you get to know him too. So inspiring.
💯 worth writing.
"For decades, I didn’t have the spiritual margin in my life to learn about the beautiful things about God’s character because I’d embodied the belief that he was out to get me…". A sobering reminder of the power our words and actions have over little hearts and minds. My heart aches over the years lost because of that, but so glad you found your way past dear into God's love and beauty....and give your kids a different experience.
I hate how relatable this story is 😭