You're absolutely right about homeschooling not being right for everyone, and not being any sort of a spiritual guarantee. I have multiple friends who still resent their parents for not allowing them to go to public school, and I have just as many formerly homeschooled friends who have left the faith as public schooled friends who have. I think Christians love to cling to anything that makes us feel like we can control our children's spiritual destiny and that is simply never true
It's so true. There's always that bit of "the grass is always greener," but I think where resentment grows is not in the from of education, but in the parents' refusal to listen empathetically to what their children are saying. Control, fear, and pride drive a lot of Christian parenting and the kids pay the price.
As if God’s arm is too short to reach into a public school? Wild theology there. Also wild to assume y’all aren’t being led by Holy Spirit. I pray there is beautiful fruit from this coming school year for all of you! 💕
Homeschooling dad here, grew up homeschooled, and I think this should be required reading for every family considering or involved in homeschooling. So much yes and amen. I'm so sorry you experienced the brunt of that judgment, and I'm so grateful for your words against it. Hoping y'all are refreshed and restabilized this school year!
I am praying for you as you begin a new rhythm. I was homeschooled my whole life and when I was forced (due to an unwanted divorce) to put my kids in school instead of homeschooling them, I felt so much judgment and fear. I truly believed that my children would grow up to be prison inmates or street prostitutes because I wasn't physically with them every hour of the day. How wrong I was! My kids are thriving. We have intentional, excellent conversations.
The whole process has humbled me greatly, and has forced me (in the best way) to rely on the sovereign care of God. If one day, we can all be at home, praise God! But even if He doesn't (plug intended), His faithfulness remains the same and He will still accomplish His good purposes for me and my children.
It always puzzles me that people have the energy to care so deeply about how someone else lives their life as to get emotionally worked up about it and tell them what to do. I’ve got too much going on in my home to decide how someone else should live their life. 😜
You and Zach are excellent parents and you’re seeking how to be financially responsible while loving your children well. Blessings on your family this school year. 💛💛💛
amen!! There is an interesting post on Substack somewhere that talks about how evangelical Christians are very presumptuous, how it’s baked into the philosophy of evangelism, that you have a right to evaluate and judgment on other people lives.
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 current homeschooler here, and thus is so good. We take it year by year, evaluating the needs of the kids and our own capacity, knowing that what's right in one season doesn't mean it's best for the next.
ALL OF THIS. I can't even tell you the amount of times I hear a passive comment that insinuates I'm a terrible mother, Christian bc I didn't sacrifice to homeschool. Sorry my mental health and the relationship with my kids will never be something I sacrifice.
Yes, yes, yes. I grew up, homeschooled my whole life and had a wonderful experience, even as some of my peers did not. What I appreciate about my parents’ perspective is that they centered the child-parent relationship, not an ideology or particular way of doing things from a misplaced hope that it would guarantee “success” (and I always find the definition of success in the homeschooling world an interesting thing ). As the time came to make schooling decisions for my oldest, their framework of asking “what will be best for the relationship with my child with the options available” was incredibly helpful and led my husband and Ito choose a public school option for our daughter.
Yes! The question of "what is best for my child AND our relationship?" made it an easier decision. Things were not going well in our homeschool world and we needed to pivot for my sake, my kids sake and our relationship. It's not been an "easy" choice at all but it was the one we needed to make for the season we are in. Thank you for sharing your perspective and story with me!
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this! As a homeschooling mom who also a Christian, I have made an intentional choice NOT to “Christian homeschool” (whatever that really means). It has been a challenge to find co-ops and other homeschooling groups that are not exclusively faith-based, but that is a priority for me because I don’t want the toxicity that comes with a lot of faith-based assumption about what “the Bible says” about how we should be living life and I want my kids to experience a diversity within their social circle.
Your experience highlights a specific pushback and judgment within the Christian community, which is so unfortunate since the church should be a place where we can authentically BE without judgment and where we can face the tough situations in life and experience grace. Fortunately, I have been ignorant to your specific struggle with judgment around how your kids are educated, and maybe that’s because of my decision to intentionally distance ourselves from a “Christian homeschool experience.” But I just want to point out that the judgment around education is still there regardless of faith.
I get a lot of push back and judgment from family, friends, random strangers, etc. about whether I’m doing what is best for my kids academically, socially, and on and on. It’s the veiled criticism of “ok that’s nice, but when are you going to send them to real school?” Or being grilled about what my curriculum choices are and if I’m afraid my kids will be behind or socially awkward. Or implying that I’m forcing my will and values on my kids without giving them choice or agency. Or the assumption that I’m some fringe fundamentalist “one of those people” because I homeschool and also happen to be a Christian. All of that to say, there is a lot of judgment in the secular world around this topic as well. People like to impose their own values, views, and criticisms on other’s experience, circumstance, choices, and privileges regardless of their faith. And like you, it’s super offensive to have to defend my choices or constantly qualify myself so other people can feel good about my family’s path.
I just wanted to say that I see you and that you’re not alone in this experience. And that there is a deeper issue at play here of humanity tearing down others because we don’t all look the same, which isn’t exclusive to the faith experience. I’m sorry that has been a part of your faith experience, and I understand why that feels so much more damaging because as people of faith we should be able to do/be better. But the reality is that this mentality is everywhere, and we can be a part of the solution.
And for all of the Christian commenters here who are saying “how can you be a witness if you’re hiding away in a bubble?” I know you’re trying to be supportive, but you are also participating in the same assumptions and judgment that she is writing against. To assume that to homeschool means you’re shutting yourself away in a bubble or avoiding contact with the outside world so there’s no way you can “be a witness” is extremely ignorant and judgmental of homeschooling. It only perpetuates the extreme stereotypes that exist around home education and casts judgment on homeschooling as a subversive form of education. Homeschooling and socialization are not mutually exclusive. Also, that statement in general is ignorant to what “being a witness” actually means. We are a walking reflection of God. We are “witnessing” wherever our feet take us and in whatever our hands touch. To assume my child’s “witness” as she delivers groceries and a handmade get well soon card to our elderly neighbor who just had a heart attack is any less impactful than a public school child’s “witness” talking about Jesus on the playground is ridiculous. We need to be more aware of these types of comments and mindsets that cause us to cast judgment on others while we’re condemning it.
We homeschooled very much the same way. Found some loving Christian community throughout the journey, but the groups that were faith based were very judgmental of our kids - to the point of calling them "sinners" on a regular basis for the things they were reading and .. believe it or not ... EATING. We're excited for our kids to see that they are actually really good, kind, and compassionate kids instead of always feeling like the "worldly" ones! haha
Can I interject that here in UK home schooling is not perceived as an exclusively Christian thing as maybe it is in USA. It is also looked on very unfavourably by our political administration and the last lot had plans to make it illegal which the new lot (different name same Uniparty,may well take up).
Love the golden calf reference because I’ve often felt like Christians think “thou shalt only homeschool thy children” is listed in the 10 commandments.
I’ve never had the desire to homeschool my kids. I love them dearly but I’m a terrible teacher and I’m a better mother when they get certain needs met outside the home and I’m able to devote that time to working and financially providing for them. I know that’s not the same for everyone and that’s great! If it’s not harming anyone else, follow your rainbow!
Specifically as women, I don’t understand why we lack in supporting each other and are instead so quick to judge and tear down. Both situations (homeschool v. “traditional”) are HARD. Full stop. Can’t we just acknowledge that and unify around it instead of dividing over it?
I'm honestly very excited to see who I am when my kids have other adults meeting some of their needs! I do wish we would support each other more. But this comment section shows that the support is louder than the judgment!
I am so proud of you for doing what is right for your family. We stopped homeschooling due to needs of children and my own. They are now thriving. I am healing. It was a burden that wasn’t mine and I’m thankful for this new amazing community we have found.
As a homeschool mom and former homeschooled kid, I love homeschooling, and also I 100% agree with you. It is a privilege and not a prescription for Christian parenting. I just read in 2 Corinthians today, “where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Freedom to make the best choices for our individual families and that can be any kind of schooling. God is with you at home or in the public school or anything in between.
I’ve attended homeschool, private and public schools throughout my life. I believe it made me well rounded and all the trite things said about how it’s more important what is being taught at home are all sooo true. You’ve given your kids a great foundation in a safe, loving, two parent home and that is privileged as well. The Lord won’t steer you wrong.
I grew up the same way! My parents always made the choice for what was best in the moment and I'm grateful for that. And yes! We consider ourselves extremely privileged for many reasons - that one most of all!
Yet isn't it terrible that all the things you listed as "privileged" should be just normal. I'm lucky that im old enough (I'm getting to feel like Tiresias) to recall the society of my pre 10 years childhood (in UK) and all that was NORMAL not "privileged" so at some point it all went wrong. When and how?
Thank you for saying all of this out loud! As a public school mom, I have been on the receiving end of so many looks from other Christian moms who decided to homeschool. I know public school and private school parents also be judging each other and homeschool parents. I just wish we could all agree that you probably know what's best for you and yours and leave it at that.
Loved this all. My son just entered kindergarten at a public school, and I had a near-crisis about not homeschooling. We toured private schools, classical Christian schools, and talked with friends who homeschool. I felt no conviction to homeschool (plus I work full time), but I had a conversation with my husband like "Am I a bad Christian mom?" So far the transition has gone really well, and we also will be playing it year by year :)
I’m the wife of a ministry professional and do not homeschool. I’m definitely in the minority. Yet I have so much peace in my decision. I knew from the beginning homeschool would not be best for our family even though I had the privilege to do so. No shade on those who homeschool and love it. It just wasn’t for me. The Christian life isn’t about value signaling. I’ll never understand the judgment that lies in this very personal decision. I’m no better a mom or Christian based on how I educate my children. I am sorry you’re being chastised for doing what’s best for your family. I hope you all have a great school year! May these new communities be opportunities for support and to be a blessing.
Oh Kristen, the lack of kind grace and loving support from your former community saddens me. May God bring you into warm, genuine relationships and fresh camaraderie as you and your beautiful family move ahead.
You're absolutely right about homeschooling not being right for everyone, and not being any sort of a spiritual guarantee. I have multiple friends who still resent their parents for not allowing them to go to public school, and I have just as many formerly homeschooled friends who have left the faith as public schooled friends who have. I think Christians love to cling to anything that makes us feel like we can control our children's spiritual destiny and that is simply never true
It's so true. There's always that bit of "the grass is always greener," but I think where resentment grows is not in the from of education, but in the parents' refusal to listen empathetically to what their children are saying. Control, fear, and pride drive a lot of Christian parenting and the kids pay the price.
As if God’s arm is too short to reach into a public school? Wild theology there. Also wild to assume y’all aren’t being led by Holy Spirit. I pray there is beautiful fruit from this coming school year for all of you! 💕
Thank you!
Homeschooling dad here, grew up homeschooled, and I think this should be required reading for every family considering or involved in homeschooling. So much yes and amen. I'm so sorry you experienced the brunt of that judgment, and I'm so grateful for your words against it. Hoping y'all are refreshed and restabilized this school year!
I am praying for you as you begin a new rhythm. I was homeschooled my whole life and when I was forced (due to an unwanted divorce) to put my kids in school instead of homeschooling them, I felt so much judgment and fear. I truly believed that my children would grow up to be prison inmates or street prostitutes because I wasn't physically with them every hour of the day. How wrong I was! My kids are thriving. We have intentional, excellent conversations.
The whole process has humbled me greatly, and has forced me (in the best way) to rely on the sovereign care of God. If one day, we can all be at home, praise God! But even if He doesn't (plug intended), His faithfulness remains the same and He will still accomplish His good purposes for me and my children.
Praying for you, sister!
Amen!
Those footnotes though. 😭🩷
It always puzzles me that people have the energy to care so deeply about how someone else lives their life as to get emotionally worked up about it and tell them what to do. I’ve got too much going on in my home to decide how someone else should live their life. 😜
You and Zach are excellent parents and you’re seeking how to be financially responsible while loving your children well. Blessings on your family this school year. 💛💛💛
amen!! There is an interesting post on Substack somewhere that talks about how evangelical Christians are very presumptuous, how it’s baked into the philosophy of evangelism, that you have a right to evaluate and judgment on other people lives.
I'd love to see that if you find it!
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 current homeschooler here, and thus is so good. We take it year by year, evaluating the needs of the kids and our own capacity, knowing that what's right in one season doesn't mean it's best for the next.
Yep! We've always said, "year by year and kid by kid."
ALL OF THIS. I can't even tell you the amount of times I hear a passive comment that insinuates I'm a terrible mother, Christian bc I didn't sacrifice to homeschool. Sorry my mental health and the relationship with my kids will never be something I sacrifice.
Good. For. You. So many Christian women do not prioritize their mental health and the kids suffer for it. Proud of you!
Yes, yes, yes. I grew up, homeschooled my whole life and had a wonderful experience, even as some of my peers did not. What I appreciate about my parents’ perspective is that they centered the child-parent relationship, not an ideology or particular way of doing things from a misplaced hope that it would guarantee “success” (and I always find the definition of success in the homeschooling world an interesting thing ). As the time came to make schooling decisions for my oldest, their framework of asking “what will be best for the relationship with my child with the options available” was incredibly helpful and led my husband and Ito choose a public school option for our daughter.
Yes! The question of "what is best for my child AND our relationship?" made it an easier decision. Things were not going well in our homeschool world and we needed to pivot for my sake, my kids sake and our relationship. It's not been an "easy" choice at all but it was the one we needed to make for the season we are in. Thank you for sharing your perspective and story with me!
Thank you for sharing your perspective on this! As a homeschooling mom who also a Christian, I have made an intentional choice NOT to “Christian homeschool” (whatever that really means). It has been a challenge to find co-ops and other homeschooling groups that are not exclusively faith-based, but that is a priority for me because I don’t want the toxicity that comes with a lot of faith-based assumption about what “the Bible says” about how we should be living life and I want my kids to experience a diversity within their social circle.
Your experience highlights a specific pushback and judgment within the Christian community, which is so unfortunate since the church should be a place where we can authentically BE without judgment and where we can face the tough situations in life and experience grace. Fortunately, I have been ignorant to your specific struggle with judgment around how your kids are educated, and maybe that’s because of my decision to intentionally distance ourselves from a “Christian homeschool experience.” But I just want to point out that the judgment around education is still there regardless of faith.
I get a lot of push back and judgment from family, friends, random strangers, etc. about whether I’m doing what is best for my kids academically, socially, and on and on. It’s the veiled criticism of “ok that’s nice, but when are you going to send them to real school?” Or being grilled about what my curriculum choices are and if I’m afraid my kids will be behind or socially awkward. Or implying that I’m forcing my will and values on my kids without giving them choice or agency. Or the assumption that I’m some fringe fundamentalist “one of those people” because I homeschool and also happen to be a Christian. All of that to say, there is a lot of judgment in the secular world around this topic as well. People like to impose their own values, views, and criticisms on other’s experience, circumstance, choices, and privileges regardless of their faith. And like you, it’s super offensive to have to defend my choices or constantly qualify myself so other people can feel good about my family’s path.
I just wanted to say that I see you and that you’re not alone in this experience. And that there is a deeper issue at play here of humanity tearing down others because we don’t all look the same, which isn’t exclusive to the faith experience. I’m sorry that has been a part of your faith experience, and I understand why that feels so much more damaging because as people of faith we should be able to do/be better. But the reality is that this mentality is everywhere, and we can be a part of the solution.
And for all of the Christian commenters here who are saying “how can you be a witness if you’re hiding away in a bubble?” I know you’re trying to be supportive, but you are also participating in the same assumptions and judgment that she is writing against. To assume that to homeschool means you’re shutting yourself away in a bubble or avoiding contact with the outside world so there’s no way you can “be a witness” is extremely ignorant and judgmental of homeschooling. It only perpetuates the extreme stereotypes that exist around home education and casts judgment on homeschooling as a subversive form of education. Homeschooling and socialization are not mutually exclusive. Also, that statement in general is ignorant to what “being a witness” actually means. We are a walking reflection of God. We are “witnessing” wherever our feet take us and in whatever our hands touch. To assume my child’s “witness” as she delivers groceries and a handmade get well soon card to our elderly neighbor who just had a heart attack is any less impactful than a public school child’s “witness” talking about Jesus on the playground is ridiculous. We need to be more aware of these types of comments and mindsets that cause us to cast judgment on others while we’re condemning it.
We homeschooled very much the same way. Found some loving Christian community throughout the journey, but the groups that were faith based were very judgmental of our kids - to the point of calling them "sinners" on a regular basis for the things they were reading and .. believe it or not ... EATING. We're excited for our kids to see that they are actually really good, kind, and compassionate kids instead of always feeling like the "worldly" ones! haha
Can I interject that here in UK home schooling is not perceived as an exclusively Christian thing as maybe it is in USA. It is also looked on very unfavourably by our political administration and the last lot had plans to make it illegal which the new lot (different name same Uniparty,may well take up).
Love the golden calf reference because I’ve often felt like Christians think “thou shalt only homeschool thy children” is listed in the 10 commandments.
I’ve never had the desire to homeschool my kids. I love them dearly but I’m a terrible teacher and I’m a better mother when they get certain needs met outside the home and I’m able to devote that time to working and financially providing for them. I know that’s not the same for everyone and that’s great! If it’s not harming anyone else, follow your rainbow!
Specifically as women, I don’t understand why we lack in supporting each other and are instead so quick to judge and tear down. Both situations (homeschool v. “traditional”) are HARD. Full stop. Can’t we just acknowledge that and unify around it instead of dividing over it?
I'm honestly very excited to see who I am when my kids have other adults meeting some of their needs! I do wish we would support each other more. But this comment section shows that the support is louder than the judgment!
I am so proud of you for doing what is right for your family. We stopped homeschooling due to needs of children and my own. They are now thriving. I am healing. It was a burden that wasn’t mine and I’m thankful for this new amazing community we have found.
As a homeschool mom and former homeschooled kid, I love homeschooling, and also I 100% agree with you. It is a privilege and not a prescription for Christian parenting. I just read in 2 Corinthians today, “where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Freedom to make the best choices for our individual families and that can be any kind of schooling. God is with you at home or in the public school or anything in between.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you for your comment and reminding me of the 2 Corinthians passage!
I’ve attended homeschool, private and public schools throughout my life. I believe it made me well rounded and all the trite things said about how it’s more important what is being taught at home are all sooo true. You’ve given your kids a great foundation in a safe, loving, two parent home and that is privileged as well. The Lord won’t steer you wrong.
I grew up the same way! My parents always made the choice for what was best in the moment and I'm grateful for that. And yes! We consider ourselves extremely privileged for many reasons - that one most of all!
Yet isn't it terrible that all the things you listed as "privileged" should be just normal. I'm lucky that im old enough (I'm getting to feel like Tiresias) to recall the society of my pre 10 years childhood (in UK) and all that was NORMAL not "privileged" so at some point it all went wrong. When and how?
Thank you for saying all of this out loud! As a public school mom, I have been on the receiving end of so many looks from other Christian moms who decided to homeschool. I know public school and private school parents also be judging each other and homeschool parents. I just wish we could all agree that you probably know what's best for you and yours and leave it at that.
leave. it. at. that.
Loved this all. My son just entered kindergarten at a public school, and I had a near-crisis about not homeschooling. We toured private schools, classical Christian schools, and talked with friends who homeschool. I felt no conviction to homeschool (plus I work full time), but I had a conversation with my husband like "Am I a bad Christian mom?" So far the transition has gone really well, and we also will be playing it year by year :)
You're a good mom. Period.
Solidarity, Kayla! I could’ve written your comment! We start school in a few weeks and it’s encouraging me to hear that your transition has gone well.
I’m the wife of a ministry professional and do not homeschool. I’m definitely in the minority. Yet I have so much peace in my decision. I knew from the beginning homeschool would not be best for our family even though I had the privilege to do so. No shade on those who homeschool and love it. It just wasn’t for me. The Christian life isn’t about value signaling. I’ll never understand the judgment that lies in this very personal decision. I’m no better a mom or Christian based on how I educate my children. I am sorry you’re being chastised for doing what’s best for your family. I hope you all have a great school year! May these new communities be opportunities for support and to be a blessing.
Oh Kristen, the lack of kind grace and loving support from your former community saddens me. May God bring you into warm, genuine relationships and fresh camaraderie as you and your beautiful family move ahead.
He definitely is.🤍