Last night, I watched Chloe and Lydia (my two year olds who were born at 29 weeks) playing in the living room. There was nothing particularly different about what they were doing, but I felt myself get caught up in this powerful wave of grief. They’ll be three in just over two months and I
You can definitely feel both things at the same time! It's a familiar sensation for me. I have twin siblings in laws were born prematurely and are delayed. They'll be 12 soon and I have known them their whole lives. It has been amazing and agony at the same time to watch them grow up. They struggle and yet defy odds at every turn. God made us so complex.
Yes. This. All of this. Feeling the tension with you as I sit at work with my eyes half open, so exhausted because my girls still don’t sleep at night while grateful that they’re even here to be awake on this side of eternity. The grief and the gratitude. I read your words and exhaled. Thanks for sharing your heart with us 🥹❤️
This is lament in such a practical and relatable way. Thank you for sharing what that looks like for you- the Christian community needs more real lament and less “this is hard BUT Gods good so I’m fine”.
Some duality of emotion I’m experiencing recently.
What a beautiful written piece. Highlighting the complexities of our emotions, highlighting the complexities of every family. Highlighting the beautiful complexity of your family and the acceptance of duality of emotion. Thank you for writing.
We've gone to church exactly three times since last October because our middle child, who is 4 refuses to go to the preschool class, even when he beloved older sister offers to go with him and just wants to run around in the lobby because the auditorium is too loud for him. This last time we went, two weeks ago, we finally did help him figure out he was ok in the preschool class (with his sister in there) but then the kids brought something home after church and we've been sick for the past week. It's really hard to think about going back this Sunday. It's ten steps back for every one step forward. We're trying to still go--even if it means one of us is stuck in the nursery with a 2-yr-old and the other parent is chasing the 4-year-old. At least our oldest kid gets some community time in her class. But it's an exhausting venture and feels like there is no pay-off (and no end to this season) for my husband and I who desperately need community time with our church.
'Will life get easier?' a question I often ask too. Thank you for sharing this. There is definitely a tension between gratitude and grief. I'm so glad God sees the hard hidden parts - the days of dysregulation, the endless admin, the fears and joys and he holds it all tenderly.
So very human. A friend and I were just saying earlier this week how much we celebrate our kids’ differences while at the same time harbor an unspoken wish that they could just be naturally cool and able and all the things—not because we really care about those things. We just don’t want things to be hard for our kids. It’s such a very real tension. Thank you for sharing yours here. 💙
Girl!!! 1000% both… I cried more than ever as my girl’s milestones were consistently inconsistent. You are their best advocate; NEVER go against what you believe is best for the girls. So many have “opinions”… and “suggestions”…Tread lightly and give yourself GRACE. Sensitivity to sound, light and movement can integrate and will…❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for this, Kristen. I've been navigating my own "grateful and grieved" situations this week. The concept of "I feel this AND this seemingly contradictory thing, at the same time, and that's *normal* and *okay*" is still a fairly new one to me. Having to remind myself lots. It's really helpful when that reminder comes from a source outside of my own brain! Thank you! <3
The timing of this is so beautiful for me. I met with my SIL and a counselor yesterday and am realizing that I need to go no contact with her. My husband and therapist both agree, but there’s so much grief in with the relief of not having to deal with her toxic garbage.
You can definitely feel both things at the same time! It's a familiar sensation for me. I have twin siblings in laws were born prematurely and are delayed. They'll be 12 soon and I have known them their whole lives. It has been amazing and agony at the same time to watch them grow up. They struggle and yet defy odds at every turn. God made us so complex.
hugs! it’s so often that this dichotomy is true… grieving and praising at the same time! And one doesn’t override or negate the other! They coexist!
Yes. This. All of this. Feeling the tension with you as I sit at work with my eyes half open, so exhausted because my girls still don’t sleep at night while grateful that they’re even here to be awake on this side of eternity. The grief and the gratitude. I read your words and exhaled. Thanks for sharing your heart with us 🥹❤️
This is lament in such a practical and relatable way. Thank you for sharing what that looks like for you- the Christian community needs more real lament and less “this is hard BUT Gods good so I’m fine”.
I am elated, I’m also terrified.
I feel joy, and I also brace for the mourning.
Some duality of emotion I’m experiencing recently.
What a beautiful written piece. Highlighting the complexities of our emotions, highlighting the complexities of every family. Highlighting the beautiful complexity of your family and the acceptance of duality of emotion. Thank you for writing.
We've gone to church exactly three times since last October because our middle child, who is 4 refuses to go to the preschool class, even when he beloved older sister offers to go with him and just wants to run around in the lobby because the auditorium is too loud for him. This last time we went, two weeks ago, we finally did help him figure out he was ok in the preschool class (with his sister in there) but then the kids brought something home after church and we've been sick for the past week. It's really hard to think about going back this Sunday. It's ten steps back for every one step forward. We're trying to still go--even if it means one of us is stuck in the nursery with a 2-yr-old and the other parent is chasing the 4-year-old. At least our oldest kid gets some community time in her class. But it's an exhausting venture and feels like there is no pay-off (and no end to this season) for my husband and I who desperately need community time with our church.
'Will life get easier?' a question I often ask too. Thank you for sharing this. There is definitely a tension between gratitude and grief. I'm so glad God sees the hard hidden parts - the days of dysregulation, the endless admin, the fears and joys and he holds it all tenderly.
Beautiful.
So very human. A friend and I were just saying earlier this week how much we celebrate our kids’ differences while at the same time harbor an unspoken wish that they could just be naturally cool and able and all the things—not because we really care about those things. We just don’t want things to be hard for our kids. It’s such a very real tension. Thank you for sharing yours here. 💙
Girl!!! 1000% both… I cried more than ever as my girl’s milestones were consistently inconsistent. You are their best advocate; NEVER go against what you believe is best for the girls. So many have “opinions”… and “suggestions”…Tread lightly and give yourself GRACE. Sensitivity to sound, light and movement can integrate and will…❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for holding this kind of space, Kristen.❤️
Such a tricky path to navigate! I relate to so much, in particular the deep ache of wanting the world to be easier for them. Grateful and grieved ❤️
Thanks for this, Kristen. I've been navigating my own "grateful and grieved" situations this week. The concept of "I feel this AND this seemingly contradictory thing, at the same time, and that's *normal* and *okay*" is still a fairly new one to me. Having to remind myself lots. It's really helpful when that reminder comes from a source outside of my own brain! Thank you! <3
The timing of this is so beautiful for me. I met with my SIL and a counselor yesterday and am realizing that I need to go no contact with her. My husband and therapist both agree, but there’s so much grief in with the relief of not having to deal with her toxic garbage.
Hugs to you and your beautiful family 💕
Willing to hold this tension with you.
This was so good. How often we feel guilty over being human. Thank you for writing!