“We lived with shame and called it conviction.” This line describes SO much of me as young, teenage Christian. I felt constant pressure to share the gospel with everyone (cashiers! Hair dressers! That person on the plane next to me!) And I was distraught often that I was in some unconfesssed sin that would cause God to reject me. I was physically sick over it. The damage and wearing out of my nervous system affected many areas of my life that I’m still dealing with. Evangelicalism wearing a generation out is so accurate and I’m thankful you’re pulling it into the light here.
That line got me too, "we lived with shame and called it conviction" ... Ooof, Yup. I relate to your experience, too Breanne. Physically sick over it all --- yup. Here's to following JESUS and not religion and here's to Jesus bringing healing to those who suffered the nervous system destruction caused by evangelicalism.
Another excellent piece. I became a Christian in college...during my most formative years after a HUGE betrayal that was downplayed and minimized where it took me 2 decades (and a whole lot of honesty and therapy) to heal from. I may not have grown up with these beliefs but being thrown into it after such a huge loss/hurt in my life at 18...it felt this way. Phew your story is hitting home and I truly, truly pray people start to listen and take to heart what you are saying. It's so needed.
“When you’re in a rigid system that denies you your God breathed humanity or heavily polices your expression of it, eventually, you’re going to feel suffocated.”
Yes. To all of this💗 I’m so thankful for all the work you do in sharing and giving words to these experiences.
You mean we’re just a bunch of undiagnosed neurodivergents who took the “burn out rather than rust out” quote seriously?
I think there’s a very high correlation between the vocal deconstructing Christians and the ones who did all the things to the letter and are paying for it in burnout and mental health diagnoses. We’re just trying to stop the harm.
Wow...this article needs to be printed on the front page of every newspaper (wait I’m sounding old)...ok it needs to go viral!!! Kristen you have said this sooo well. I’m EXHAUSTED and can’t do it anymore. Even talking of trying to find a different church (like Anglican) is scary cause I can’t go back to where sooo much is expect but nothing is ever enough. Thank you for sharing and helping us all get through the ptsd of being raised evangelical. 💞
Man. Here I was reading a book and drinking coffee and now I’m having big feelings about all of this. 😂
Obvi the topic hits home for me, of evangelicalism raising a generation with heightened emotionalism and moralism that doesn’t stick the landing when the going gets tough. What a long road it’s been (and continues to be), navigating the fall out 😩
Phew. I am so moved by this writing. What a way with words you have. I couldn't even quote one thing that resonated because it all resonated. Thanks so much for holding us while we thrash about.
Thanks so much for this post Kristen! I resonate with so much of what you are saying. The last few years have been a mix of "Who am I?" and "What really made my life the way it was?" Hearing that I'm not the only one is so helpful. Keep writing! I'm working to find that community and it's good to know it's out there.
Man. As I read this, you're doing exactly what you wrote of, to me - you made eye contact with my pain and doubt and exhaustion and questions and said, I see you, I hear you.
The great falling away is happening worldwide. And the strong delusion has been poured out. Your faith might be weak because you thought religion was the way. Look to Jesus and recover your hope.
“But perhaps the greatest sin of the Evangelical Church is the way the demand for “right” behavior has corrupted the way the body of Christ responds to the deep pain and suffering of its brothers and sisters.” I’m so appreciative of you putting words to thoughts and feelings I’ve been walking through the past 8 years. And what do we do with pain and suffering caused by people using Jesus’s name to do it? Thank you for being a part of this deconstruction conversation.
Any thoughts for parents going through the drawn-out process of deconstructing and reconstructions faith? I want to nurture faith in my children but I'm often at a loss for out to explain certain "big" beliefs because I am still wrestling with them. Lately, I feel like I'm caveating every answer I give them when they have questions which I'm finding is NOT helpful for black/white thinkers (which most kids under 8 are). It also doesn't help that I'm sometimes at odds with the framework of faith expressed in some of their homeschool and sunday school curriculum. I want to write about this at some point but would love to hear from other parents a little further down this road.
THIS. Oh my goodness, Kristen. Thank you for writing this. This was my experience. Evangelicalism, while not the only factor, is a large piece of my anxiety puzzle. It was EXHAUSTING and destroyed my nervous system... I am healing, but man, it's a LOT to heal from. Your series is helping heal so many, that I am sure! God bless you for this. That line.... "We lived with shame and called it conviction" ... Ooooooof.
I grew up Christian, but not in the evangelical church (Anglican). My exposure to evangelicalism was a weird series of fad diet like experiences like a speaker who told us to only listen to Christian music (didn't stick but I found some Christian bands I liked too) or that we needed to believe in a young earth creation. In college I was evangelized to by someone who refused to hear I was already Christian because I went to the Catholic church near my dorm. It wasn't until social media where I was searching for a community of Christian mom's that I was thrown into the world of evangelical legalism. Things I never questioned before about my beliefs were now being called out as wrong. It's easy to get sucked into. And honestly was hard to walk away from, even with a healthy community of Christians outside of legalism. I can't even imagine how hard it would be if that was your community.
Wow this is spot on. You were AG weren’t you? I grew up in that denomination and this describes it perfectly! It was definitely a bubble and my views of other denominations and Christianity in general have changed so much since I left it. Thank you for writing this!
“We lived with shame and called it conviction.” This line describes SO much of me as young, teenage Christian. I felt constant pressure to share the gospel with everyone (cashiers! Hair dressers! That person on the plane next to me!) And I was distraught often that I was in some unconfesssed sin that would cause God to reject me. I was physically sick over it. The damage and wearing out of my nervous system affected many areas of my life that I’m still dealing with. Evangelicalism wearing a generation out is so accurate and I’m thankful you’re pulling it into the light here.
I could do a whole series about unraveling shame 😅
Please do sometime...Shame is still a thing I struggle sooooo sooooo sooo much with and can’t seem to therapy or anything it out of me! Lol
That line got me too, "we lived with shame and called it conviction" ... Ooof, Yup. I relate to your experience, too Breanne. Physically sick over it all --- yup. Here's to following JESUS and not religion and here's to Jesus bringing healing to those who suffered the nervous system destruction caused by evangelicalism.
Another excellent piece. I became a Christian in college...during my most formative years after a HUGE betrayal that was downplayed and minimized where it took me 2 decades (and a whole lot of honesty and therapy) to heal from. I may not have grown up with these beliefs but being thrown into it after such a huge loss/hurt in my life at 18...it felt this way. Phew your story is hitting home and I truly, truly pray people start to listen and take to heart what you are saying. It's so needed.
I hope so too. 😭
“When you’re in a rigid system that denies you your God breathed humanity or heavily polices your expression of it, eventually, you’re going to feel suffocated.”
Yes. To all of this💗 I’m so thankful for all the work you do in sharing and giving words to these experiences.
Thank you!
You mean we’re just a bunch of undiagnosed neurodivergents who took the “burn out rather than rust out” quote seriously?
I think there’s a very high correlation between the vocal deconstructing Christians and the ones who did all the things to the letter and are paying for it in burnout and mental health diagnoses. We’re just trying to stop the harm.
I’ve wondered this too
Wow...this article needs to be printed on the front page of every newspaper (wait I’m sounding old)...ok it needs to go viral!!! Kristen you have said this sooo well. I’m EXHAUSTED and can’t do it anymore. Even talking of trying to find a different church (like Anglican) is scary cause I can’t go back to where sooo much is expect but nothing is ever enough. Thank you for sharing and helping us all get through the ptsd of being raised evangelical. 💞
Going back into any church can be hard because anything familiar is also connected to loss and pain. It’s hard!
Man. Here I was reading a book and drinking coffee and now I’m having big feelings about all of this. 😂
Obvi the topic hits home for me, of evangelicalism raising a generation with heightened emotionalism and moralism that doesn’t stick the landing when the going gets tough. What a long road it’s been (and continues to be), navigating the fall out 😩
interrupting calm morning coffee with a hearty conversation on church and theology is kind of my M.O. 😂
Phew. I am so moved by this writing. What a way with words you have. I couldn't even quote one thing that resonated because it all resonated. Thanks so much for holding us while we thrash about.
Thanks so much for this post Kristen! I resonate with so much of what you are saying. The last few years have been a mix of "Who am I?" and "What really made my life the way it was?" Hearing that I'm not the only one is so helpful. Keep writing! I'm working to find that community and it's good to know it's out there.
Man. As I read this, you're doing exactly what you wrote of, to me - you made eye contact with my pain and doubt and exhaustion and questions and said, I see you, I hear you.
A life-preserver thrown out to me at sea.
The great falling away is happening worldwide. And the strong delusion has been poured out. Your faith might be weak because you thought religion was the way. Look to Jesus and recover your hope.
“We lived with shame and called it conviction.” 😮💨 if that doesn’t hit the nail on the head
“But perhaps the greatest sin of the Evangelical Church is the way the demand for “right” behavior has corrupted the way the body of Christ responds to the deep pain and suffering of its brothers and sisters.” I’m so appreciative of you putting words to thoughts and feelings I’ve been walking through the past 8 years. And what do we do with pain and suffering caused by people using Jesus’s name to do it? Thank you for being a part of this deconstruction conversation.
Any thoughts for parents going through the drawn-out process of deconstructing and reconstructions faith? I want to nurture faith in my children but I'm often at a loss for out to explain certain "big" beliefs because I am still wrestling with them. Lately, I feel like I'm caveating every answer I give them when they have questions which I'm finding is NOT helpful for black/white thinkers (which most kids under 8 are). It also doesn't help that I'm sometimes at odds with the framework of faith expressed in some of their homeschool and sunday school curriculum. I want to write about this at some point but would love to hear from other parents a little further down this road.
Yes! Zach and I did a podcast about this a few months ago. https://open.substack.com/pub/kristenlavalley/p/passing-down-the-story?r=2rcyr&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Thank you so much! I'll check this out
THIS. Oh my goodness, Kristen. Thank you for writing this. This was my experience. Evangelicalism, while not the only factor, is a large piece of my anxiety puzzle. It was EXHAUSTING and destroyed my nervous system... I am healing, but man, it's a LOT to heal from. Your series is helping heal so many, that I am sure! God bless you for this. That line.... "We lived with shame and called it conviction" ... Ooooooof.
The nervous system regulation is a whole THING. 😅
I grew up Christian, but not in the evangelical church (Anglican). My exposure to evangelicalism was a weird series of fad diet like experiences like a speaker who told us to only listen to Christian music (didn't stick but I found some Christian bands I liked too) or that we needed to believe in a young earth creation. In college I was evangelized to by someone who refused to hear I was already Christian because I went to the Catholic church near my dorm. It wasn't until social media where I was searching for a community of Christian mom's that I was thrown into the world of evangelical legalism. Things I never questioned before about my beliefs were now being called out as wrong. It's easy to get sucked into. And honestly was hard to walk away from, even with a healthy community of Christians outside of legalism. I can't even imagine how hard it would be if that was your community.
So interesting to hear about that from a different perspective. Thanks for sharing that!
Wow this is spot on. You were AG weren’t you? I grew up in that denomination and this describes it perfectly! It was definitely a bubble and my views of other denominations and Christianity in general have changed so much since I left it. Thank you for writing this!
AG indeed. Haha.